While we were staying with Renate, a conversation came to mind that I had with some students at Englischhausen earlier that week. It went like this:
Student: What’s the word for “Thermomix” in English?
Me: Hm, I’m not sure. What is that? Describe it to me.
Student: Oh! It’s the coolest kitchen appliance ever! For example, you can put a bunch of things in it, and then come back 5 hours later and now you have soup!
Me: Oh okay, like a crockpot? Or a slow cooker?
Student: No, because you can also use it to make smoothies. It can blend the fruit.
Me: Ummm… okay. So is it a blender attached to a crockpot?
Student: No, because you can also use it to steam something, like chicken or fish.
Me: Wait, what??
Student: You can even make bread dough with it!
Me: Yeah. There’s not a word for that in English. I guess it’s just Thermomix.
I was so confused (like seriously what is this thing??) but just kind of shrugged it off.
That is, until we went home with Renate. Because she has a Thermomix and IT IS MAGICAL.
It’s a kitchen gadget that does EVERYTHING. You insert a little digital chip in the side (basically a cookbook of the future), and the screen tells you step-by-step instructions for how to make a million different recipes.
Like, for example, it will tell you to add 180 grams of sugar, right? And you start pouring sugar in it… and it weighs the sugar in real time, AS YOU’RE POURING IT. And then beeps! It’s like “Yo, stop pouring! You’re at 180 grams.”
It felt like having a little robot friend. The best little robot friend.
After the sugar was in the Thermomix, it told us to close the lid. (I think this machine could have told me to do literally anything and I would have followed its instructions.) A loud, rumbly 15 seconds later, we opened the lid and peeked in. You guys. That regular, grain sugar that we just poured in there a few seconds ago was transformed into fluffy powdered sugar! JUST LIKE THAT.
So of course we kept listening to this magical kitchen device from the future (thankfully it didn’t tell us to jump off a bridge or go on a murdering spree) and we added 2 more ingredients: frozen fruit and heavy cream. Less than two minutes later (don’t worry – there’s a timer on it), we had incredible strawberry sorbet. WHAT!
Can your tastebuds do a happy dance? Because I think mine did.
Also, I forgot to take a picture until we had eaten 90% of the sorbet. But it was incredible! And so easy! And so FAST. (Thanks, new robot friend that might actually be from the future because how is any of this possible??)
During our stay, we also made coleslaw using the Thermomix. Just throw in an onion, some carrots, some cabbage and a few other ingredients. Give it a whirl – and voilà! I hope you’re ready to eat RIGHT NOW because it’s ALREADY READY.
There’s also a little attachment that you can stick on top (because clearly our robot friend can’t do enough already…) This allows you steam meat, fish, or vegetables. We used it to steam some white asparagus! YOU GUYS. It was too much.
Like, I don’t think you even need a kitchen if you have one of these things! For real. You could cook an entire meal with just a wall outlet and some counter space. You could cook a meal in your laundry room! Or on the back porch! Or in the bathroom! Okay, maybe not in the bathroom. (But not because it isn’t possible. Just because that’s nasty.)
After some googling, I found that apparently you can use it for 12 different functions: grinding, cooking, emulsifying (I don’t even know what that means but don’t worry, this robot can do it), whipping, steaming, mixing, stirring, kneading, chopping, heating, weighing, and blending.
(For the record, I’m not totally convinced that there isn’t a 13th function: mind controlling. In order to have unwavering obedience from its human inferiors.)
IT EVEN CLEANS ITSELF. (Which is possibly my favorite part because, ugh, washing dishes is the worst.) You just add warm water and some dish soap and then – SHISJDFLKS (that’s a blender-like noise), a few seconds later, your Thermomix is clean!!!
I’m still not over it. I don’t think I’ll ever be over it. Seriously one of the coolest things of my life. And believe me, I would never imagine myself getting all worked up over a kitchen appliance.
But I felt like I was living my childhood dream of being in the Jetsons!
I guess we just have to continue to hope that the Thermomix uses its robot mind-control powers for good rather than evil.